Christmas..and other things

I need to get some pictures up from Christmas. Christmas Eve we went to Mike's parents house and opened gifts. Christmas morning we swapped gifts with my dad and then he went off to visit people. Mike and I slowly opened our gifts from each other. Then around noon we went to Mike's grandmas house and did the white elephant gifts.



I got some good stuff. I managed to get $75 in Barnes & Nobles gift cards. I also got a gift card for Murray Day Music and was able to buy some good piano music. The best gift was the Wii Mike got me. I was so surprised. It didn't take me long to order more games for it.

Mikes main gift was a small digital camera. It is small enough that he can put it in his pocket and take pictures during some of the marathons.

Here are some pictures from Christmas:

It's New Years Eve. I am miserable. I had no idea New Years was going to be so difficult. I think it is much more difficult than Christmas was for me. I am just really missing my mom. Mike took me to the cemetery to visit her grave and I just stood there and cried. I know it probably sounds stupid but I almost feel like I am leaving her behind. Her story ends at 2009. She will forever be stuck in 2009. I hate the thought of starting a year she doesn't get to be a part of. I wish I could stop time. I really don't have high hopes for 2010. It is going to a year of mourning. I have to live thru what would have been her 60th birthday on January 6th.... what would have been my parents 40th anniversary on Feb 20th (the day before my birthday).... my first mothers day motherless.... there are still so many things I have to make it thru. I cannot fathom how 2010 could possibly be anything other than sad. I hate the thought that I have to make it thru next year without her. I hate that I don't have a choice in the matter either.

I just miss her so much. I feel like I need her still for so much. It's hard to think that she is truly gone... that I will never see her sitting at her computer munching on ice... or hear her voice again. I feel like my Clomid support is gone. As crazy as it sounds, I sometimes find myself thinking I don't even want to try infertility treatments anymore. Maybe I don't want to have kids after all. I don't feel like I can go thru the Clomid and infertility stuff... and raising my first baby without her. I just feel so alone.

You would think something like this would strengthen the bonds between me and my sisters but it was only temporary. We all know whats it's like to lose a mother... but that's where the similarities end. They all have children. They all had my mom there during their first pregnancy to go to for questions. They got to see her hold their newborns. That's something I will never have. None of them can quite understand how that feels. I hate that I am different from them in that way. I have always felt so left behind. Now I feel that gap even more now.

I am sorry to be so negative. I am really struggling with things today. I am just going to sleep thru New Years. I don't want it, and I don't feel like it is a reason to celebrate. Mike and his dad are planning on running the Beat The New Year 5k at Sugarhouse park. That will be fun for them. I was going to go with them, but the thought of standing in the freezing cold for a half hour doesn't sound so appealing. So instead I will be wrapped up nice and warm in bed... trying to sleep. I have a feeling sleeping is going to be harder tonight than normal. Anyways... I haven't said this to anyone yet because Its not a happy occasion for me, but I need to say it anyways... Happy New Years everyone!!

Family Christmas Party

We had our family Christmas Party tonight. It was fun. Prior to the party some of us got together and made an ornament in honor of my Mom. We then went to Wasatch Lawns and hung the ornament on their tree they have there. They were doing the Luminary Services which was really neat. They had paper bags with candles in them lit up all over the entire cemetery. It was incredible seeing all those lights. I am glad we got to go to that.

This is not the best quality but this is the ornament we made on the tree at the cemetery. We wrote her name on it and also "We Love You Mom!"

This is a view of her grave and you can see some of the lights behind it.

This is the best picture I have of the lights. They seemed to go on forever. It was a sea of lights.

We then had the party. It was fun. Kari brought pizza for everyone. Shelley and I were able to hand out our gifts which was fun. Next we did a white elephant gift exchange. It was crazy doing that with all the kids but lots of fun. We also all shared Christmas memories and fun stuff like that. It was a lot of fun. I enjoy being around my family.



It was tough though not having my mom there. I was really missing her today. I had a minor break down (Mike says it was a major breakdown) this afternoon but made it thru. Mike was kind enough to go to the cemetery with me prior to the Luminary Services so I could have some alone time. It helped to be able to stand there and just cry. I really do miss her. It seems as more time goes by the less I am able to be in denial. I can't just pretend she is well and fine in St. George. I have to accept the fact that she is gone. It is tough to comprehend that she is really gone. It hurts to think about it. I still need her. I really miss her and Love her.

I miss her...

Loss of Mother Poem

Now that I am gone,

remember me with smiles and laughter.

And if you need to cry,

cry with your brother or sister

who walks in grief beside you.

And when you need me,

put your arms around anyone

and give to them what you need to give to me.

There are so many who need so much.

I want to leave you something --

something much better than words or sounds.

Look for me in the people I've know

nor helped in some special way.

Let me live in your heart

as well as in your mind.

You can love me most

by letting your love reach out to our loved ones,

by embracing them and living in their love.

Love does not die, people do.

So, when all that's left of me is love,

give me away as best you can.

~ Author unknown

A Daughter's Promise
© Allie B. Quaglieri

Every time that I smile,

Every time that I sigh,

I think of your face,

And a tear escapes my eye.

You were my world,

My inspiration and my heart,

But when you left me,

I thought I would fall apart.

You were my best friend,

My one true 'confidante',

And that's not all you were,

You were also my mom.

I didn't want to live without you,

But you would have wanted me to,

And if there's anyone I want to make happy,

That anyone is you

I would have given anything to have you back,

But I know now that it was meant to be,

For you are still watching from up there,

And I know you're watching me.

I'll make you proud mom,

I'm going to fulfill your wish,

You're going to see me and smile,

That's a daughter's promise.

I'm Free

This is a poem my friend Wynter sent me. Thanks for sharing it with me Wynter!!

I’m Free

Don’t Grieve for me, now I am free;
I am following the path
God laid for me.
I took his hand when I heard his call,
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day,
to laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way,
I’ve found the peace at the close of the day.
If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh , a kiss,
Ah, yes these things I too will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow,
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life’s been full, I savored much - -
Good friends, good times, a loved ones touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all to brief,
Don’t lengthen it with undo grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me,
God wanted me now - - he set me free.

New Tradition

So I am starting a new tradition. Every year we get a real tree for Christmas (since Mike has always had a real tree at his house and wants to carry on the tradition). Part of prepping the tree is cutting off some of the lower branches so it fits in the tree stand. I decided that every year I am going to take the tree trimmings and make a wreath for my moms grave.

I have never made my own wreath before. I went online and did some research on how to make them. It didn't sound to difficult. I then went to a craft store and bought the metal frame for it as well as a stand. I also bought some bows and ribbons.

It really wasn't too difficult. I worried that it wasn't bushy enough but as I put things on I think it made it look fuller. Plus it wasn't real even but the placement of the big center bow helped that out. Then I just played around with the different decorations. The pine cones came off my artificial tree that I had in my apartment. It came with a bunch of pine cones but Mike didn't like them on the tree so we took them off. I am glad I never threw them away. I have been able to use them for all kinds of things. I think they look good on the wreath.

The center ribbon I also thought I would personalize. So I wrote "Mom" on the center part of the bow. Then one of the ribbons says "Miss You" and the other says "Love You". I like how it turned out and I like that it is personalized. It was fun making it so I am sure I wont have problems keeping this tradition up. I am excited to go put it on her grave tomorrow.

JibJab

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1 Month Anniversary

So today is the one month anniversary of my Mothers death. It is hard to believe it has already been a month. So much of the past month is just a blur. I have had to switch to survival mode which means living one day at a time. Its hard to keep track of time when in that mode though. It just tends to slip right by without me noticing.

I had a hard time as it got closer to 1:22 pm (the time of her death). I had to go talk to my friend during that time to keep my mind off things. I just kept remembering hearing the news she was gone and getting to St. George and seeing my dad standing in the doorway... hugging him and just crying. It was really hard. I even remember the drive to St. George and feeling so numb and just in denial. Worrying about how it was going to be once I got to St. George and enjoying the feeling of numbness before reality had to set in once in St. George. The week went by so fast as well. All the funeral arrangements and everything. It was just a whirl wind.

I didn't get to visit her grave today. I kinda feel bad that I didn't. I do plan on going Friday morning though and putting a Wreath on her grave. All the other graves have Wreaths and she deserves something pretty like that. I just have to hit a floral shop and buy the easel to put it on.

So I am still somewhat in denial. I shouldn't be and I kinda feel guilty for being that way. Its just so easy to imagine she is still alive and well in St. George... and that I just haven't talked to her or seen her for awhile. I figure It would be good for me to go this weekend and face reality in the form of facing an empty house. It would be hard... but I need to do it.

Sometimes I have break downs. Little things remind me of her. Like an e-mail with a travel trailer. Made me think of our Fifth Wheel and all the adventures we had in it. When I am trying to cook something and need advice. It kills me to not be able to call her and ask her how to cook something. Sometimes I get so angry I can't call her that I just decided to forget making dinner altogether.

Another way that I miss her is having to do with Clomid. She use to call and ask how that was going. There is no one to ask that now... or to really even care about it. I really hate knowing I lost my Clomid support system. None of my other sisters have had to be on it so they have no idea what I am going thru and my frustrations when it doesn't work.

I have always felt a little left behind in my family. The age gap has made it so I am much further behind everyone in all the fun life events. I am the only one who doesn't have any kids. I think everyone else in the family is done having kids even. I feel even more left behind with my mom gone. None of my children will get to experience her as a Grandmother here on Earth. It is so hard to fathom. I hate feeling so alone in that. None of my sisters can understand. No one can understand (at least I haven't met anyone yet who could). I know it sounds selfish that I think of that so much... but I feel like its no fair that everyone got that and I don't get that.

I pray every night that I can understand why she had to go. I don't know if I ever will fully understand. I am sure there is a job for her up there... but I still need her here. I still have a lot of growing up to do and I need her to still be my support system. Its just hard. I hate thinking about her being gone. Sometimes its just nice being in denial. I really do miss her and sometimes I wonder how in the world I can possibly survive this. I can't imagine my life without her but now I am forced to live it without her. What the worst part is.... is that I can't do anything about it. I can't turn back time, nor can I bring her back.

Suzy Homemaker

I have been trying to keep busy. It helps to have things to do to keep my mind off things. I am quickly running out of craft ideas. I have gotten some cute things done though.

I painted a rock for the family Christmas party next Saturday. That is going to be my home made gift that I am suppose to bring. I decided to do a cat because it is an animal I am really not much of a fan of so I figured it wouldn't be so hard to give it away. Well it turned out really good... so I am kinda sad to see it go. I decided to buy a basket and sew a little pillow for the basket that the cat sits in. Its cute... at least I think so.

It took me a few days to paint but I got it done today and sprayed the clear coat and made the little pillow bed. I figured it would make it look more realistic laying in a cushiony basket. I also made some goodies today. Sadly there were some casualties but oh well. We still have a decent amount of candies. We made divinity, Fudge, Mints, Snowballs, and Cookies. At least it kept me busy today. The weekends are usually extra hard for me because I am not as busy as I am at work... so thats when I have to do my craft projects.

So sometime this week I am going to put together a wreathe for my mom. I went to the cemetery today and there were so many wreathes everywhere. I figured I want to make one. I actually have the trimmings from the tree when Mike put it up. I just need to learn how to turn it into a wreathe. I plan on looking it up on the net. I think it would be a neat tradition to make a wreathe from the tree trimmings every year for my mom. My biggest problem is finding where everyone buys the little stand for the wreathes. I need to check a floral shop probably. I am hoping to run over to her grave Friday morning before heading to St. George to put the wreath there. She needs one.

So I am doing ok with things. I actually go back and forth. Sometimes it doesn't seem real... and sometimes it is all too real. It is hard to me to fathom that I will not get to see her physically again... that I have my whole lifetime (although you never know how long that will be) to go without her. I miss her. I still feel like I need her in so many ways. I even found myself thinking today after ruining the Toffee that if my mom was here it wouldn't have gone wrong because she would have told me the correct way to do it.

I have been reading a book called "Motherless Daughters". It is a very good book. It talks about losing your mother and the feelings and emotions you go thru. It honestly puts all my thoughts and emotions into words. It is really a good book.

I am a bit nervous for St. George. I am worried that I wont be able to handle it. Once I am there, I wont be able to pretend she is still alive and well in St. George. Its going to be hard to look at the hallway where it all happened. I really hope I can handle it. I think I will just have a hard time during the day on Friday. Friday night Linda and Shelley should get there so it wont be so lonely. Saturday morning my dad will be back from California as well. I just hope I can keep busy enough that its not too bad.

Normally Mike and I leave Thursday night so we have all day Friday to play. Usually that is when we go Four Wheeling with my parents. I am really going to miss those four wheel rides. My mom kept talking about a neat ride they went on that had lots of old abandoned cars (Mikes favorite). She really wanted to take us on that ride but unfortunately she was sick the Friday we got there the last time. That was the beginning of the end. There is so much I am going to miss.

Anyways... now that I got all depressed I better end this. I am going to go watch "Are You being Served" so I don't have to think about things anymore.

P.S. Like the new background? I spent a couple hours putting it together. I love it! I had to get rid of the fall theme I had going on and I figured if I did a winter theme I could keep it till February.

If You Sleep - Tal Bachman

This song is perfect for all the feelings I had from the start of my moms illness thru the funeral. I can't even tell you how many times I have listened to this song since her death. It make me cry... but I relate to it so well.....

Figure of divine perfection
No one's loved with more affection
Soul to soul we've breathed
Oh, I won't let The Fates succeed

Worried hours of contemplation
Whispered bits of conversation
Unaffected orderlies
Disinfected rooms and hallways

And if you sleep you sleep with God
And if I cry, it's for my heart
Why should i hope to make it through?
'Cause if you sleep, I'll sleep, too

Jagged thorns and pretty petals
Butterflies and stinging nettles
Sunny days and nights of blackness
But where's the joy to cure my sadness?

And if you sleep you sleep with God
And if I cry, it's for my heart
Why should i hope to make it through?
'Cause if you sleep, I'll sleep, too

Gleaming cars and covered faces
Teary eyes in hallowed places
Grass and granite stone
No one's been more all alone

And if you sleep you sleep with God
And if I cry, it's for my heart
Why should i hope to make it through?
'Cause if you sleep, I'll sleep, too
Why should i hope to make it through?
'Cause if you sleep, I'll sleep, too

I miss her...

Losing a mother I decided has to be one of the hardest things a person can go thru. I honestly don't know how people can survive this. When I sit and think about her and how much I miss her... I feel like its too much to handle. I have no idea how I am going to make it without her. She meant so much to me and I need her.

Thanksgiving was hard. It hit me that night after all the festivities were done. I figured that putting up the Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving would help. We spent most of the evening last night getting the tree up and the house decorated. It was good for keeping my mind off things.

Today was really hard. I feel like I need projects to keep myself busy so I don't dwell on it. I am out of ideas for projects. I went to Linda's house hoping I would stay busy there. I ended up sitting around doing nothing. I got depressed so I came home. I went to bed and told Mike I just wanted to sleep the rest of the day. I only managed a 4 hour nap before my body refused to keep sleeping. I was just hurting so bad today. I think today was one of the worst days I have had. Every time I would come in the living room and see the trees and decorations, I just wanted to rip them all down and put them back away. I get no pleasure from the tree. If anything it depresses me more. The holidays mean nothing to me now. I feel like I have nothing to celebrate.

I have started playing the piano again. I played it a lot when I first got my piano but then hit a lull... where I didn't play it so much. Now I play it usually once a day. I need it. It is a way to get my emotions out thru each key that I hit, and each song that I play. I like to play the songs I know really well because I don't have to focus on the notes. I can play from memory and think of other things. Sometimes I can just sit and stare at the picture of my mom while I play. Being able to sit and play the piano is really good therapy. This is my little Shrine I have sitting on my piano. The doily is one she made for me and gave to me as a wedding gift last year.

I really miss her. It is so hard knowing I can't call her up with a question... or to be able to call and vent to her. I did a little craft project I finished yesterday and my first thoughts were to send a pic text to my mom. I always loved showing her my craft projects and different things I did. She always made me feel like it was the best in the world. I miss her so much. It is hard thinking about her being gone. I honestly have no idea how I am going to survive without her. I can't imagine my life without her.

I guess I should post about my craft project. I made little Christmas trees out of tomatoe plant rings. I grabbed three small rings and one big ring from the garden. I wraped them with a strand of white lights and then wrapped tinsel around that. I then added some ornamants.

I saw my mom last night...

Disclaimer: Some people probably wont believe anything in this post. I am not trying to convince people of something that may be against their beliefs. My intent on posting this is not for any reason other than for myself. I want to make sure to get this special experience written down so as not to forget it. I plan to have my blog printed into a book next year so I am writing this for my records... so that I can always have this to reflect on.

Around 1:30 ish last night I saw my mom. I didn't expect it. I went to roll over and noticed a figure standing by my door in my bedroom. It took a minute to realize that it was my mom. She wasn't very vivid. It was almost like an outline of her body with faint coloring to her. She was wearing her normal every day style of clothing. The thing that made me realize it was her was her hair. She started moving closer to the end of the bed and kinda lifted up so she could look down at me. She then vanished. I turned back over intent on waking Mike up and saw her standing on his side of the bed. She then started moving like she was coming around to my side of the bed but vanished again. I was laying there on my back and all of a sudden I felt someones arms wrap around me in a hug. I can't even explain the feeling. It wasn't as strong as if a human were hugging me. It was a much lighter pressure but I could just feel arms around me that held me for like 10 seconds. I just laid there enjoying the warmth I felt, and tears came to my eyes. I then thanked my mom for being there for me.

I am so glad I had that experience. I have told Mike often that one of the things that kills me is knowing she can't be here physically. I was just wanting to be able to hug her one last time. I think that was her way of answering my wishes.

I laid there in bed for about an hour after that trying to decide if that was real. I think it was real and I don't think I was asleep. I honestly think she came to visit. I talked to my dad this morning and told him about it. He said sometime in the middle of the night he woke up and was just having a hard time. He felt so empty and was missing my mom. So he said a prayer. He said a warm feeling surrounded him. I was joking with him and told him that after my mom visited him she figured she might as well stop by my room since she was already here.

Anyways... I am so glad I have this experience to remember her by. I love her so much and I am glad to know she is still around me and that I can feel her spirit with me. I honestly don't know how people could NOT believe in an afterlife. There is so much proof that spirits do go on. It also helps to know I will see her again someday.

P.S. My dad and I went and put poinsettias on her grave today. My roses were still there from last weekend. They are actually still looking good. I figure that is probably because they were under a pile of snow and probably frozen in a state of perfection. I feel better knowing she has flowers on her grave. She knows she is loved and missed.

Denial Land

So I have been spending a fair amount of time in Denial Land (as Kelly would call it). It is just so easy to pretend that my mom is still alive and just in St George... and that I just haven't seen her or talked to her for awhile. I feel guilty being in denial land... but I don't feel like I have much control. During the week I work and then come home and work on a project so I don't have much time to think about it. The weekend is when it gets me.

I was feeling guilty for being in denial. Mike pointed out that I am not as much in denial as I think. I may not think about it and may not cry about it all the time... but I have my moments. I really do. Sometimes I will be sitting there at work and it hits me. Like tonight I was sitting reading a book and it hit me. It always takes my breath away when I think of her gone. I honestly feel like I can't breath. Then come the waterworks.

Sometimes I will keep thinking about the day she died and I can't get the memories out of my head. That's the hardest part for me. Hearing that I was too late was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I can still remember the feeling and dropping to the floor and just bawling hysterically. I hate thinking of getting to St George that night and my dad standing in the doorway crying. I just hugged him and cried... then went and cried with my grandma. I will never forget that day. I can't think of that day without breaking down and crying. Sometimes those memories haunt me.

The nightmares I was having have stopped. I am glad. I am finally starting to get some decent sleep now. I think I am slowly starting to heal. There is going to be a lot more bad times and I am sure it will get worse before it gets better. The holidays are going to be hard. Thanksgiving just wont be the same without her. At least I have my family I get to be with.

I go visit my moms grave alot. I feel like its a good way for me to connect with her. It was sad the day I went and they had thrown away the beautiful arrangements from the graveside service. I felt so bad that her grave was so bare and I didn't bring her flowers. I made sure to take her some flowers this weekend. I took her some roses. They were not as gorgeous as all the arrangements she had at the graveside service... but at least her grave wasn't so bare. I wish they would keep the flowers there longer.

It is all still so crazy. Sometimes it blows my mind thinking about it all. Sometimes I get nervous when I go somewhere where I know I will end up being around people who haven't seen me since her death. I know they all want to offer their condolences... which I appreciate... but I dont know how to respond. I never know what to say to them and I am kinda getting tired of the condolences. Its just hard. I hate that I get so nervous talking to people now. I just wish I knew how to respond to people.

Life will be interesting. I am trying to find my new "normal" since my life will never be the old level of "Normal" I once knew. It is confusing and sometimes frustrating feeling like my world crumbled down around me. The thought of rebuilding is terrifying! I am glad that I have Mike with me. He is honestly my support. There is no way I could make it thru any of this without him. He gives me hope for the future and makes the task of rebuilding not quite so daunting. I honestly couldn't imagine going thru this without him.

Tremonton and Hill Aerospace Museum

So Mike and I went and spent the day with Jenny and Roger, their Family, and my Dad. We all went to the Hill Aerospace Museum. It was a lot of fun. I had no idea that place is free. It was neat seeing all the airplanes.

Mike and I both had little shadows. Alissa started out using Mike to hide behind. She didn't want Parker to see her. Then they struck up little conversations. She stayed right by his side though.... even when he would get behind because some engine caught his attention.

Brinley was my little shadow. I guess Jenny told her she could walk ahead only if she stayed by me. She did a good job sticking with me. She then wanted to ride back to Tremonton with Mike and I so we put her car seat in the back of my car. We must not have been all that exciting to her though because she slept most of the way. It made all the other kids jealous that they didn't get to ride with us.

After the museum we went back and had a nice turkey dinner and watched the movie "Bedtime Stories". It was really a fun night!

Here are pictures from the museum. I didn't have my camera so these were taken with my cell phone...

"I Can't Even Imagine..."

One of the comments I hear al ot from people is "I cant even imagine what you are going thru." I use to be like that. I couldn't imagine losing a parent. The thought of it about killed me. I don't mind when people make this comment. I am just glad that those making that comment don't have to experience what I am going thru.

This comment makes me realize that I cant even begin to explain to people what its like. I have so many different emotions surging thru me at any given time that its almost exhausting! One minute I am fine, the next minute I am a wreck. One minute I am in denial... the next minute it hits me full force, like being punched in the stomach (not that I have ever been punched in the stomach... but I think I have an idea what it might feel like). It is just crazy how many emotions one person can feel in a matter of minutes.

I have been kind of numb to things lately. Christmas music use to excite me but it does nothing for me now. I don't have the energy to do the things I use to do. Mike has pretty well taken over dishes and the such. I just don't have the motivation. I don't know when that motivation will be back.. if ever. I hate feeling numb. I hate that I have no excitement or drive in life. I almost feel dead to the world. None of the things that use to excite me really do much for me. All the things I was excited for prior to her passing, don't matter to me anymore.

Don't get me wrong... sometimes I am fine. Sometimes I feel optimistic and can find little projects that make me happy... temporarily. Cassie actually suggested a project that I am now putting all of my time into. Which by the way requires me to get memories people have of my mother. So feel free to post any memories. Think of it as your way of helping me to heal :-)

I kept just wanting to go to sleep to escape my thoughts for a while. Well sleeping isn't really working so well for me right now. I toss and turn al ot during the night and I have a lot of nightmares and dreams. Ever since getting back from St. George I have dreamt of my mom every night. Most nights I have nightmares about things happening to her body that I cannot stop. For example I keep dreaming of horrible things like her casket getting dropped down a flight of stairs on accident or things happening to her body and I am powerless to protect her. I think that stems from worrying about her being so cold in the ground covered in snow and not being able to keep her body warm... even though I know she is not connected to it anymore.

Last night wasn't such a horrible dream but it still wasn't pleasant. I dreamt her funeral and everything went wrong and half the family was late for it no matter how hard we tried to be on time things kept coming up making us later and later. Also last night I dreamt she was standing by my side of the bed adjusting the flat screen TV on the wall (which in reality is just a picture we have hanging there). In my dream I was kicking Mike trying to wake him up so he could see her before she vanished but he wouldn't wake up. In reality I was kneeing him in the back and mumbling in my sleep.

Anyways.... this is all new territory for me and my family. None of us would have thought we would be dealing with the loss of our mother so early. I don't really know what to expect... but right now things are just crazy. I just feel like I change moods so quickly and unexpectedly. I also have no idea when the dreams and nightmares will stop and when I get get a good nights rest again. I am doing what everyone keeps telling me... to take it one day at a time. I don't think I have any other option. It would be too overwhelming to not take it one day at a time. So hopefully things get better. Maybe someday soon the numbness will diminish and I will feel joy again thinking about Christmas and Thanksgiving.

P.S. I am sure this sounds dorky but today I wrote a letter to my future kids describing what their Grandma Bone was like. I wanted to make sure to get all the details and memories down on paper before they start to fade. Hopefully by this letter they will have a good understanding of the incredible grandmother they are descendants of.

Just had to share my neat experience

I have been having a hard time now that the funeral is over and she is in the ground and I am back home. It is hard to get back into things when I am just so numb to everything and don't care to do anything right now. One thing I have had a hard time with is religion and just me as a person. I know my mom always wanted us to all come back to the church and get married in the temple. I am not very close to that. I haven't been active at church. There are things I believe about the church and things I question. Religion hasn't been anything I have thought about lately but now I am forced to think about it and figure out my beliefs.

I have felt guilty though that I have not and possibly will not ever fulfill her dream of going thru the temple. I have also felt like I need to change myself as a person to be better and to make her proud of me. Anyways this morning I was making breakfast and the first song that I noticed playing on Mikes computer... was "Mother" by Pink Floyd. He had his computer on shuffle so it was randomly picking songs. That one sorta got my attention but not too much. Anyways then the song "The Answer Lies Within" came on which is a song about picking yourself up after hard times and realizing the future is on your side and choosing to move on. The next song was "Angels Among Us". By this point she had my attention... she was playing all these songs that fit my situation so well. So then after that Billy Joel's song "Just The Way You Are" came on.

That song has a lot of connections and memories for me. I would hear it every time I went to Montana because my grandmas keyboard had it as a demo song... so I always would make it play it. so I have always associated that with Montana. I have never really listened to the words before but the very first words just struck me as an answer from my mom. The first words go as follows: "Don't go changing, to try to please me. You've never let me down before..." I just started bawling when I heard that. I just felt her so strongly here and felt that was her answer to me struggling with who I am and who I should be. The whole song was what I needed to hear. I am going to post the entire lyrics because they are so incredible. This song will forever hold a place in my heart and have a new meaning for me.

Don't go changing, to try and please me
You never let me down before
Don't imagine you're too familiar
And I don't see you anymore
I wouldn't leave you in times of trouble
We never could have come this far
I took the good times, I'll take the bad times
I'll take you just the way you are

Don't go trying some new fashion
Don't change the color of your hair
You always have my unspoken passion
Although I might not seem to care
I don't want clever conversation
I never want to work that hard
I just want someone that I can talk to
I want you just the way you are.

I need to know that you will always be
The same old someone that I knew
What will it take till you believe in me
The way that I believe in you.

I said I love you and that's forever
And this I promise from the heart
I could not love you any better
I love you just the way you are.

Interestingly enough the next song that came on was a cold play song that starts out "Those who are dead are not dead, they're just living in our heads."

I needed so badly to feel her close to me and I am happy she was able to communicate with me thru music. It was just a neat experience I wanted to share.

I could never thank him enough...

I just wanted to brag about how incredible of a husband I have. I cannot thank him enough for all he does for me and for being my support thru this tough week. He stayed by my side and was a shoulder to cry on. He was so supportive and was there for me when I needed him. I could have never made it thru all of this without him.

I can honestly say that I married my best friend. I have so much fun with him. We can sit and be serious when we need to but can also laugh and tease the heck out of each other. He is so much fun to be around. He is an incredible person and an inspiration for me. I am so proud of him for working hard on his running and being able to qualify for Boston.

I feel like the luckiest person to end up with him. I sometimes wonder how I ended up with him and if it is only just a dream. I just can't imagine my life without him. He is my other half and I would be so lost without him.

Thanks Mike, for being so great and being there for me. Thanks for picking me up off the floor and letting me cry on your shoulder when I got the bad news that my mom was gone. Thanks for listening to me vent my feelings and sorrow. Thanks for making sure you stayed with me and keeping me going thru it all. Thanks for going to Oak Grove and sitting on the big rock and just letting me cry to you about my loss. I love that every time I started crying, you were right there beside me holding me. You really are an incredible person and I don't know how I can ever thank you enough for being so great. I LOVE YOU!

I will miss you Mom!

So for those that didn't know, My mom passed away Monday afternoon from a blood clot that hit her heart. It was a quick an unexpected death. I am so glad it was quick though and she didn't have to go thru chemo or radiation. It is still hard to accept the fact that I can't see her when I want, nor can I call her when I need to vent.

This whole week has been such a blur but it has been incredible! We have had all the family together and have been able to enjoy each others company. It has been so neat having everyone together.

Yesterday morning we all got together and dressed my mom. I was so afraid to see her but dressing her was the neatest thing. It was like therapy. We could all feel my moms spirit in the room so strong. I am so thankful I got to do it.

Last night we had a viewing. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I was able to see her in the coffin and be ok with it. I am glad there was such a good spirit in the room. It was sad but there was a lot of happiness and it was nice to talk to everyone. I have a feeling the funeral is going to be different though. I am also glad that before everyone arrived Jenny and I were able to sing Primary songs at the piano and harmonize like we always did growing up. My mom loved hearing us sing so I am so glad we got to sing for her one more time.

It still doesn't feel like reality to me. I don't know when its going to be reality for me. I know it's going to hit me hard... I just don't know when. I already miss her. I wish I could give her one final hug. It also kills me that she wont be there for when I have kids. I wanted so bad for her to be around for that. I just feel too young to have lost my mother already. There is still so much I need her for. I just have to accept that she was needed on the other side.

I am glad she is with her dad. That had to have been such an incredible reunion getting to be with her dad and meet her brother Ronnie for the first time who had died a few hours after being born. I know she is happy and not in pain anymore. I am happy for her... I am just sad for those of us left behind that have to try to fill the void left behind from such an incredible person!

Every Kids Dream!

So we have massive amounts of leaves that fall off our trees. We have already raked a bunch of leaves in the front and bagged them, and Mike took the time to rake the back yard into a huge pile. Some of you might remember how we threw the dog into the piles of leaves last year; well that has become a tradition. So the pile in our back yard is huge! Every kids dream! We are planning on bagging them all this weekend but until then... its just one huge pile.

We baby sat Mikes niece and nephew this evening. They were so excited to see the small leaf pile in the front yard so I knew they would be extra excited to see the pile in the back yard. So we led them out back and their eyes got huge. They wanted to jump in it but at first Mike didn't want them to. I convinced him that it would be a good way to entertain the kids for a little while and that it could always be raked up again later.

They had a blast! They thought it was the neatest thing ever! Molly even got thrown in a few times. I got some good pictures of them but then decided I wanted to join in the fun. So I jumped in with them. It was fun. It sucked trying to pick all the leaves out of my hair afterwards... but soooo worth it! So now for some pictures and video...

Update on my Mom: She is out of the hospital. They sent her home today finally after a month of being in there. I am glad she is doing so much better. They just have to get her completely healed from the surgery and they can then test for the cancer. I am just happy she is home!

Halloween

We started out our Halloween by getting up at 5 am to head to Provo for a Halloween Half Marathon Mike ran. We made a bed in the back of the SUV for me so I could sleep for a few hours before he would be at the finish line. The race was suppose to start at 8 am so I figured I would get to the finish line by 9:10 so as not to miss him. So I wander over there at the said time and noticed the clock only showed them running for 12 minutes. They then announced they had a really late start. So I headed back to the SUV and read for another hour before heading back.

Mike did really well. His time was 1:24:01 which was a PR (Personal Record) for him. I thought he came in ninth but apparently I need to go back to preschool to learn how to count again. He actually was number 10 out of 727 runners. He was also third in his age group. It was a fun race. There were lots of people in costume. We saw some interesting costumes, like Balloon Boy, and Bill Gates. It was fun.

I don't know if you can read his shirt but it says "This is my Marathoner Costumer"
We then headed home and took a nap an relaxed most of the day. We did end up going shopping in the afternoon but it was crazy. Everyone and their dog were at walmart. I hate crowds so I was just anxious to get done and get out of there.

Halloween night came around and we ended up adding some neat decorations to our grave yard scene. We took some fire wood and piled it up and put a big black cauldron on it. We then put orange lights under the fire wood so it looked like fire. We also put some white garbage bags in the cauldron with an orange light in side so it looked like it was liquid inside bubbling over. It was cute. I was so proud of our work. Sadly we didn't get any trick or treaters except Mikes niece and nephew and Linda and Shelley's kids. That was only because I called Linda and begged her to bring them trick or treating to our house so they could see my cool yard. It was rather disappointing no one else showed but part of it was our porch light wouldn't stay on. I figured that was probably the biggest reason.

On the plus side... Mike and I got to watch The Lost Boys. I love that movie. Its a fun one. So we watched that and ate dinner and then called it a night. It was an ok night but I still wish we could

have had some trick or treaters.... but oh well. I guess Halloween isn't what it use to be.

We tried to get pictures of our yard but it was hard to get any good ones in the dark. So this is the best we could do.

Mikes niece and nephew Saleen and Dallas

Halloween Party

Before I get into the Halloween Party, I wanted to post pictures of our yard. I really like Halloween and love decorating the yard. I was a bit slow getting decorations out considering everything that has been going on lately. We did another cemetery this year. The front yard is perfect for a cemetery. Here it is:Last night we had a family Halloween Party. Linda and Dave had gone to St. George Friday nigh to pack up Shelley and the kids since they are moving into their basement. They ended up getting back Saturday night at like 7 pm. The Halloween party started at 6 pm... so they were a bit late but everyone else was as well.

I ended up going to Linda's house in the early afternoon so we could get things setup. We had a fun little ingredient search with different activities for the kids. It turned out good. We also had lots of Yummy food like Creamy Potato Soup, 7 layer Dip, Cheese ball, Cake and Cookies. The cake was for Jenny. We did a little birthday deal for her since here birthday was on Wednesday (I think).

It was rather chaotic. We had 17 kids there running around. It was fun to see every ones costumes. I went as a witch this year. I also had made a cow costume for Max and two witch costumes for Molly and Mimi. I think the party went pretty well. I ended up disassembling my whole cemetery scene in my front yard and hauling it to Linda's for one of the activities... but it was fun.

Anyways here are some pictures from the party. The group photo we took and text to my mom so she could see everyone in their costumes.

Lizzy went as a ghost. Mimi is a witch. She has a matching cape like Molly's.
I couldn't get a good picture of Max's cow costume. I was really proud of it though. I made it for Molly but it ended up being too small... so it ended up on Max.


We also took Saleen and Dallas. I didn't end up getting a picture of Dallas in his costume.

Today I spent most of the morning out raking the front yard. We always end up with so many leaves its crazy! As much as I hate raking... I still wouldn't give up the trees. I love having the trees that we do. It makes our house feel more secluded and shadier in the summer.

Update on my mom: she is doing really well. I guess her white blood count is finally normal. I am glad to know we are no longer dealing with an infection. It will be nice when she is fully healed. My grandma just got there today so that's good. I think it will help to have her there.

Another Surgery

It has been awhile since I last posted. I haven't been so good at it lately. Life has been crazy. It is crazy how life can be so great and so normal one minute and then one little thing can just turn your world upside down... or your world can come crashing down on you.

My mom had another surgery on Tuesday night. Her white blood count was back up and there was more fluid. The Dr went in and cleaned her out. As he was getting ready to close he found where bile was leaking out. He fixed that. We are hoping that was where all the fluid was coming from and that she wont have that problem anymore.

She ended up being in ICU for a few days. That was scary. She is doing better now and is in a normal room. I called and talked to her tonight. It made me cry. She doesn't sound good. They pump her full of tons of fluids and it makes her have a hard time breathing. It is hard talking to her on the phone because she has to catch her breath after every word she says. It makes me sad hearing her like that. I guess they also had a problem with a PICC line they had in her neck and now her neck is all swollen.

It is hard to be back at square one. Now she has to heal from yet another surgery. She is doing well in the recovery but she still has so far to go. She was in the hospital for two weeks after the first surgery so she will be in there for awhile yet. I feel bad because I know she hates it there. Its just hard.

Tomorrow we are doing a family Halloween party. It will be good to get together and just enjoy each other and be with family. I think it will help take our minds off of things. I am excited for it. I think it will be a ton of fun. I am also sad because my guest room will be empty. My parents were planning on coming and were going to stay in my guest room... but now they wont be here.

It is sad that it takes a crisis like this to make you realize what you had. I miss my mom. I miss her the way she was. She was always so bubbly and so fun to talk to and joke with. I just miss that. I want her to be back to normal. I want to be able to have those fun, light hearted conversations with her. I also want to be able to call her when I need help cooking something, and be able to vent to her when I am in my emotionally psychotic mode from the Clomid. I NEED my mom. I am so grateful that she is still here and that we still have time with her. I only hope her recovery will be speedy and we can get back to where we were.

How quickly things can change...

So I am going to be having some downer posts for awhile. Mikes Marathons are over for the year so there wont be any of those fun posts. Right now I am dealing with a lot of stuff. I wrote last post about my mom having emergency surgery. Well turns out the tumor they removed from her stomach was cancerous. I can't even tell you how hard it is to find out your mom has cancer. My family has spent a good amount of crying this last week.

It is crazy how fast everything can change. A week and a half ago my mom was fine. Or so we thought. Then she gets sick one day... goes to the hospital the next and within a couple of days we got the biopsy report. I was shocked to hear it was cancerous. the fact that there was a tumor scared me... but the surgeon was so sure it didn't appear to be cancerous so I thought we would be ok. It is still hard to think that it was cancerous. I have a hard time believing all of this is really happening.

Anyways I went to St. George this weekend to be with my family. Kelly came with Delia... and Linda and Dave brought me along with their children. I am so glad we were all able to be there. We spent countless hours in the hospital laughing and teasing each other (And no Kelly... I don't have gray hair, they are blonde streaks!). It was fun being with everyone again and being able to joke around. I think it really helped my mom as well to have us all there to chat and joke with. I am glad I went.

My mom is supposed to be released from the hospital today. They want to run a few more tests before they let her go. We are hoping she can leave today. She is going nuts in the hospital. She wants out and wants to be home. They are trying to get her healed from her surgery before they start running tests to see if the cancer spread and how far. So right now we don't know much about it. I hate just waiting around... waiting to find out what is happening. They don't even know the exact type or stage of the cancer yet. I am anxious to know that.

Anyways... I am hoping everything works out and that this is just a minor road bump for our family. I guess we will just have to wait and see. For now its just going to be touch and go and lots of crying.

I spent the weekend in St. George while Mike spent it here at home... sick. He has had a bad headache all weekend and was running a fever when I got home last night. Poor guy. I had no idea he was sick until I got home. I missed him so much while I was gone. I am so lucky to have him. I can honestly say I married my best friend. He has been incredible this past week with being so supportive. He has held me while I cried who knows how many times. I don't think I could handle this without his support and Love. I hope he gets feeling better. I told him all I need is to find out he has a brain tumor or something! I am thinking his headache is probably a sinus headache. I guess we will see how things play out with him as well.

Boston, here we come!!

Mike ran the St. George marathon this morning. He finished in 3:06:13 which means he qualified for Boston! Its a good thing he qualified since we already have our hotel reservations. I am very proud of him and am so excited that he was able to reach that goal.

Today was one of the most stressful days of my life. Not only was I worried about Mike doing well on the marathon... but my mom ended up going in for emergency surgery today also. My emotions are already out of whack from Clomid...but add emergency surgery and Mike qualifying... it was not pretty.

Yesterday my mom was not doing so well. She couldn't keep down any food or water. She kept throwing it back up and was in pain. Well this morning Mike left at about 4 am to catch the bus for the Marathon. about 10 minutes later my dad decided he was taking my mom to the ER because she was in severe pain. I was a bit freaked out!

Anyways I suddenly found I didn't have a ride to the finish line to be able to watch Mike finish. Luckily my cousin saved me (thanks soooooooo much Cassie!!!! You were a huge help this weekend!!). She picked me up and drove me to the finish line. Anyways I watched Mike finish the race and was very excited he qualified. I ran over and gave him a huge hug (which I usually don't do since he is always so sweaty after a race). I even teared up. Mikes first words he said to me was asking how I was doing. I should have been asking how he was doing but he was concerned for me since I called him shortly after 4 when my mom left for the ER just in tears. anyways I couldn't believe that he had just qualified for Boston but was more concerned about me.

A short time later I got a call from my Dad about my mom. They were going to do emergency surgery. I ended up crying on the phone with my dad. Once again... Mike was there to hold me. I was nervous for her and wanted everything to be ok since they didn't know what was wrong. They were going to cut into her and hope they found something.

I ended up going to Breakfast with Mike and his parents, and then being dropped off at the Hospital. I waited with my dad so he wouldn't be alone. She was in surgery for 4 hours! They found the problem and got her all sewed up. She seems to be doing much better. Mike eventually joined us at the hospital after he got all showered and cleaned up. He was a good sport sitting at the hospital for 5 hours.

We then went out to dinner with some old friends from high school. It was a blast seeing everyone again. It is crazy to see Kristin with Kids... and to hear about Sarah and all that she has done. It was really a ton of fun. I am glad I got to do that.

Either way... it was a very stressful day. I am just glad I survived!

P.S. I had a shirt made for Mike which I gave him at the finish line.

Front

Back

Geysers, Hot Springs, and Blisters

So today we did a lot of walking. We walked around different areas and saw lots of geysers and hot springs. We avoided any really steep hills so I didn't have a medical scare today. The only issues I have are really sore calves and feet. I am use to sitting in a cubicle all day on the computer so I am not use to lots of walking. It was fun though.

We also spent a lot of time at Old Faithful. I LOVE the Old Faithful area because that is where I lived and worked for a few months when I was 16 yrs old. It is tradition to stop and eat lunch at the grill at the store my parents worked at. We got the Old Faithful early so we wanted to kill some time before getting lunch at the grill. We wondered around the Old Faithful Inn and went and sat up on the little patio. We even watched Old Faithful erupt from the patio... but sadly Old Faithful doesn't impress me anymore so it wasn't too exciting. Then we went and walked 3 miles around the area.

After all that walking, we headed over to the grill for lunch. Unfortunately it was packed! We had to wait to get a table. The food was good.. and it brought back loads of memories. It was fun. I am glad Mike's parents were fine with joining us for this little tradition.

Tonight we did the tradition of Pizza in our room and watching TV. It is always nice to sit and relax the last night of our trip. Tomorrow we will get up and head home. We have to stop in Tremonton and pick up the pets but should hopefully get home at a decent time. It will be nice to get home early enough to get unpacked and have some relaxation time.

We actually took pictures this time in Yellowstone. We never take pictures because we have been here so many times that we don't really think to do it. This time we got plenty so I will post a select few that I really liked.

Quite an adventurous day

Our first full day in Yellowstone was rather interesting. We decided to drive the Grand Loop. We did the Firehole drive. Mike showed me the cave with bones in it a couple years ago but I have never gotten a picture until now. I guess these bones have been in this cave for a long time. Who knows whose bones they are... but they are still neat.
Next we stopped at Mattie's Grave. It is a grave that is really in the middle of nowhere. Not many people know about it. There use to be the Fountain Hotel which her and her husband were the care takers of back in the mid 1800's. Anyways Mattie ended up getting sick and dieing 1889 and was buried near the hotel. Well eventually the hotel burned down and they rebuilt a bigger hotel... which became abandoned when the Old Faithful hotel was built and became so popular. Anyways they burned the abandoned building down in 1927. You cannot even tell there was ever a hotel there... so now her grave sits pretty well in the middle of nowhere. Her husband had wanted to be buried next to her when he died but unfortunately by that time they had made it a law that you could not be buried in National Parks... so she is alone. Anyways... its tradition to stop at her grave when we come to Yellowstone.

Later on in our drive we saw a Grizzly Bear. Mike ran over and got pictures while I sat in the car. At first I thought it was just a brown bear... but looking at the pictures we realize it has a hump, and it was a big bear... so it I am pretty sure it was a grizzly just walking along the road.

The next interesting thing was when we went to Tower. There is an upper viewing area but you can also hike down to a lower area. Going downhill was great... but going uphill didn't work so well with me. I had a little medical scare. I guess I am still trying to get over my health issues last month when I got really anemic. I have felt much better... but still not 100%. I also was very dehydrated. I had a really hard time going back up the hill and had to keep stopping. I felt like I was going to throw up and also was feeling faint. It got really bad when I stopped and sat down on a rock. I have never gotten so close to passing out. There was a lady who was walking past who asked if I was ok and offered me water. I was very out of it and wanted some water but couldn't tell her because myhearing at that point started going funny. It sounded like everyone was talking to me from the other end of a tunnel. Then my vision started blurring and I honestly thought I was going to pass out. Luckily I didn't pass out and eventually made it back up to the car. Mike was awesome and stayed with me the entire time until we got up by his parents.. he then ran ahead and got me a drink and brought it back to me. I guess my lips had no color and I looked really pale. It honestly scared me when I almost passed out. I have never gotten that close to passing out and it was scary. I am glad I survived. I guess I still need to take it easy until I can get all healed up. Plus I am thinking it might be time to visit a Dr when I get back to Salt Lake.

Prior to the whole medical crisis we had an interesting drive around Yellowstone Lake. There was tons of smoke. There was the Arnica fire that started burning Wednesday night. It went from 4 acres to 250 by this afternoon. Anyways the smoke was very thick going around the lake. This was the best picture I could get which showed the smoke.

The fun part was after we got to Norris. We were going to have to drive back the way we came because the road was closed for construction between Norris and Madison (which we were aware of). Anyways... come to find out since we had gone around the lake... the fire got out of control and they had to close the road so that meant we were stuck on the other side of the park from our Motel and only had one option to get back... going thru Bozeman and down the Gallatin Highway... which added a few hours to our drive. We weren't that excited... but it wasn't too bad. We were able to reminisce about our honeymoon and driving down the highway. It was actually fun reliving those memories.

We finally made it back to West Yellowstone by about 8 PM. We then went shopping at a few book stores and then had a very late dinner. It was quite the day but it was fun...(except not the close to dying part). It was definitely a day to remember!

Joe's Filling Station

So Mike's parents told us about a Classic Diner in Rexburg, Idaho called Joe's Filling Station. They have dubbed it their new tradition to stop for dinner there on the way to Yellowstone. So Mike and I stopped there for a late lunch/early dinner (Lunner?). I was really impressed. They had old gas tanks out front as well as an old gas truck.

Inside was even more amusing. They had old signs all over the wall and it was just like an old classic diner. The food was even good and decent priced. They had the usual burger and fries... but also had dinners like Chicken, Potatoes, and Gravy (my favorite). also they had cream of red potato soup which was to die for! I LOVED it and wished I knew the recipe. It was delicious!

Anyways.... If you ever find yourself in Rexburg.... I highly suggest this place. Yummy!!!

P.S. I know posts on a restaurant aren't that exciting... but we are now in West Yellowstone so maybe I will have some fun posts over the next few days. Vacations are sooo nice!

Another Rock...

Mike and I went rock hunting at the mouth of one of the canyons on Sunday. I have about 5 or 6 good painting rocks now. I am excited to have options again. The reason we went rock hunting is because Mike's friend Stephan wanted me to paint a Unicorn for his wife for her Birthday. Stefan was the one who let me collect little rocks which I painted a couple and gave to his kids as you recall from my previous post. Apparently they liked them because they wanted another one.

I had never done a rock made-to-order so this was a new experience. I also had never done a Unicorn, let alone a hourse. I am still not so sure I like the way it turned out... but it was the best I could do. I told them I would be willing to try again if they weren't happy with it. So far I think they are happy. Anyways I had issues with shading. White animals are always hard to do because of shading. If I go too dark... it then turns into a gray animal... which we couldn't have a gray Unicorn. Plus I felt like I was using too many grays, whites, and blacks. I wanted to get some color into it so I ended up outlining the horn in Yellow to make it stand out and to add color. I am always hard on myself when it comes to artwork. I always hate it at first but later on think it isn't too bad. Like the Owl in our tree. I HATED it at first and thought it looked like crap. Now it just makes me smile to look up in our tree and see the owl sitting there. Partly from the irony. How many people can say they put a rock in their tree as decoration??

Anyways... now for the unveiling!

Top of Utah Marathon

Mike ran the Top of Utah Marathon in Logan this morning. He was crazy enough to run only a week after his last marathon. Anyways he finished in 3:19:39. He came in 104 out of 2600 plus runners. I think he also was like 17th out of his age group. He managed to shave off 20 minutes from the last time he ran this marathon 2 years ago.

We went to Logan last night and picked up his running packet. Then we went to Jenny and Rogers and spent the night. This morning we got up at 4 am so we could be in Logan in time for Mike to catch the bus to the start line. I had made a nice little bed in the back of the SUV so I went back to sleep until about 7:30 am.

Anyways... Mike did well on this race. He tried to take it easy because he doesn't want to mess anything up before St. George in a couple weeks. We are hoping he will qualify for Boston with that race. Mikes parents also came and watched him finish along with Bob and April from the Mustang Club. It is always nice when Mike has a cheering section... especially since I am too shy to really cheer for him. I also remembered to put batteries in the camera so I got pictures. Woohoo!

Rocks

So last week I was able to go to Mike's friends house and pick up some rocks he wanted to get rid of. They were smaller rocks than I usually like but they worked. Anyways his kids were nice enough to help me find the smoothest and best shaped rocks for painting so I decided I would paint them some rocks as a thank you gift.

So I painted a Penguin and a calico kitten. Smaller rocks are quicker to paint but its hard to get a lot of detail. Anyways this is how they turned out.

I guess the kids really liked them. Now they want me to paint a bigger Unicorn rock. I am hoping I can pull it off for them... so we will see.

Our Honeymoon

So I am going to do a little remembering session about our honeymoon since I apparently never posted it. So here goes...

Our wedding night we spent in a nice condo in Park City Thanks to my brother in law Dave. It was very upscale and even had a hot tub on the patio. We didn't end up using the hot tub though. We actually didn't get up there till late so we pretty much just went to bed.

In the morning we headed to Cody, Wyoming. I had never been there before but Mike had. It was neat. We stayed at this motel where they had a bird in the office. We got a picture of it on Mikes head. It was a cute bird. It loved to talk.

We wandered around the Ghost Town. I think that they were old buildings from all over that they moved to Cody and created a little town. It was interesting though. I LOVE ghost towns so I was amused.Next we went and did some shopping in Red Lodge, MT before heading to our little cabin in Absarokee. It was the cutest little cabin. It was one room and so rustic looking. I enjoyed our stay there. I wish we could have spent more nights there.We then headed over the Beartooth Highway towards Yellowstone. That was an adventure because my car over heated. So we had to pull off the side of the road and sit around for an hour while it cooled down. I got some good pictures in the meantime.

We spent a few days exploring Yellowstone and then we headed to Ennis, MT. Ennis is like 30 minutes outside of Virginia City and Nevada City. Those are both really neat places to visit. While there we went to the Brewery Follies in Virginia City. They put on a little comedy act. It was rather entertaining. I quite enjoyed it. This is a picture of inside the old Brewery.

We stayed in some little cabins in Ennis as well. They were nice but not as cute as the Absarokee cabins.

After Ennis we drove to Bannack, MT. That place is incredible! It is a ghost town which they have preserved but not restored. So they have all the buildings in the town you can walk thru. they are empty buildings that aren't in the best of shape but they are still sturdy. One of the highlights was the Meade Hotel pictured below. It was big and very neat. I loved Bannack and would suggest it to anyone. It is by Dillon, MT and well worth visiting.

Then we went to the Lewis and Clark Taverns. Those were neat. We ended up getting a private tour because no one else had showed up yet. So it was just Mike and I and the tour guide. It was neat. It was hard to get real good pictures in there but this one turned out ok.

After the caverns we headed to Bozeman Montana where Mike ran the Lewis and Clark Marathon. He ran that marathon in 3:33:48 and I believe he came in 10th place. It was neat he got to do an out of state marathon.

After Bozeman... we headed back to West Yellowstone and spent the night before heading back home. It was an awesome trip. We were able to see and do a lot. One thing I will never forget is driving back to West Yellowstone. We were going thru a gorgeous area. It was raining off and on so the clouds were covering the tops of the mountains all around us in a thick haze. The fall colors were so vibrant. We listened the to the song "The Answer Lies Within" by Dream Theatre which I felt was so fitting. There is a part that says "You've got the future on your side. Your gonna be fine now. I know whatever you decide, Your gonna shine". It was so true. I felt that the future was on my side and felt like I was going to be fine. So that song forever is associated with our honeymoon. Plus I had a little addiction to Cotton Candy Blizzards from DQ. I think we had to have gotten at least 5 of them throughout the honeymoon. They were delicious!

Anyways I wanted to make sure I recorded some of the honeymoon. I am determined I will find where we wrote down more details on this. I really thought I had done a post about it but I cant seem to find it now. Oh well. It was a neat honeymoon and a great way to start out our marriage.