Rejection

What do you do when you are stuck in the worst job in the world? I have applied for so many other positions and only get rejected. I have even applied for jobs where I would take a paycut and still didn't get hired. Pretty pathetic when you are desperate enough to take a position you are more than qualified for but still get rejected. This last job I applied for I really wanted. I tried not to get my hopes up but I couldn't help myself. It was my only escape from the job I so detest. That escape is gone. I am out of options. It is so hard going to a job every day that I hate. I am just so tired of dealing with peoples problems. I need time to deal with my own.

I am just all around tired. Mentally, physically.. any way possible. I feel like I have been getting so much rejection lately that it is hard not to take it personally. I am sorry this is such a downer post. I am not looking for sympathy, I just want to be able to vent. I had three weeks of waiting and wondering if I got this job after going thru an interview that went so well, or so I thought. Three weeks to sit and worry and hope that I had truly found an escape. This was a job I really wanted, not only as an escape, but because it was going in the direction I want to go in a career.

Then to top it all off... I didn't ovulate this time. I took the clomid and went thru the mood swings for nothing. So no baby this month. With how my body works.... I wont get another chance at clomid for another 3 months. Part of me is relieved that I don't have to go thru the pregnancy test rollercoaster though. It still sucks knowing I didn't ovulate. I hate the thought of how expensive this is all going to get. Every day at work I get to hear women complain about their maternity bill. They don't realize how lucky they are. I would love to have a maternity bill to pay. It is much cheaper than what Mike and I are looking at to get pregnant in the first place.

Ugh! I really don't mean to be so negative. I just need to get over the shock of the rejection and have a chance to look on the brighter side of things. Like I said, this is not a post looking for sympathy. It is just a venting post. It is nice to get things out in the open. Mike is taking me out to dinner to cheer me up. Lets hope it works!

Flower Photography

So I was just browsing thru my pictures on my computer out of boredom and came across my Flower file. I went thru a phase where I was always taking pictures of flowers. They seemed like good subjects, and I loved trying to get the flower to focus but the background to be out of focus. Anyways I never thought I was ever good... and still don't, but I was amazed at how good some of these turned out. I figured since there hasn't been much excitement in my life lately (hence the lack of postings), I would do a post with some of the flower pictures. So here it goes...

This first set are the flowers in our backyard.

This one was taken a few weeks ago when it snowed last. This ultimately killed these flowers which I had planted last spring. I am still a bit sore about that.

These next pictures were taken on Canyon drives, vacations, etc...

Crazy Hormones, Venting Session

I warned everyone that taking Clomid plays with my emotions. Today has been one of those not so fun days. Part of the frustrations I was having was my inability to maintain a decent body temperature. I was either too hot or too cold. I hate having the two extremes and switching between them. It drives me nuts! I haven't really had a good nights rest in awhile because I am constantly tossing the blankets off, or pulling them back on. Right now I am just feeling emotionally drained.

I have a very stressful job. I am lucky enough to get yelled at often for mistakes other people make. Sometimes I just get tired of being damage control. I see some of the stupidest mistakes made by billers and I get yelled at for it. There are so many things that could be done to save me a nasty call, but the billers don't seem to care. Just as long as they meet their quota. I also get tired of hearing people complain about their bills. You go to the ER, you have to pay the bill. I am sorry if the Dr was unable to perform a miracle on the spot and cure you of your illness, you still have to pay the bill. You can whine and complain all you want... but there will still be a bill!!

By the time I was done with work today, I was just totally drained. I didn't want to take another phone call. I am also a little worried. I applied for a job a few weeks ago that I really want. I will find out next week if i got it or not. I NEED this job. I feel like it is my only escape from the job I feel so trapped in. I have never felt so trapped in a job in my life! I know that if I don't get that job, it is going to kill me. I just wish they would decide so I don't have to live with the suspense. I hate not knowing what the future will bring.

I also don't know if I am emotionally ready to handle another round of trying to conceive. It is just so stressful. I am done with the Clomid part, but now I have to see if my body is actually going to work with me. Then comes the pregnancy test part. Each test takes such a toll emotionally. I hate the anticipation and then the heart break of finding it is negative. It is too much to bear sometimes. I just want this part to be done. I am almost thinking if this time doesn't work (which I don't think it will), then i will take a little break. I have another refill for clomid, but I might just need a break. It is just too hard to handle sometimes!

Mike is so good to me though. I feel bad putting him thru all of this. I am sure he is tired of me coming home from work depressed or grouchy. I would be tired of it. I am also sure he gets tired of hearing me complain about the unfairness of life and babies. I would be sick of it. Yet he still continues to be supportive in every way possible. He is always there when I need a shoulder to cry on, and he knows how to just sit and listen when I go on and on about how much I dislike my job. I couldn't imagine going thru this without Mike there as my support. Sometimes I have a hard time believing that he is really mine. I don't know how I got so lucky. He truly is the best husband ever!!

SLC Marathon

This will not come as a surprise for anybody, but Mike ran the SLC Marathon today. Just to get this question out of the way (since everyone asks), a Marathon is 26.2 miles. And yes, Mike is a little Masochistic in the sense that he actually LIKES putting his body thru that. That's ok though. I still love him no matter how crazy I think he is.

I also want to make sure to squash any ideas or thoughts people might have in regards to me ever running a Marathon. I know I have started to run, but not because I want to do a Marathon. Quite honestly, running a Marathon has never been a goal of mine, and isn't something I could ever see myself doing. It is just not my cup of tea. So I let Mike do the Marathons and I get to live them Vicariously thru him, which is good enough for me.

Anyways....back to Mike. He ran this in 3 hrs and 18 Minutes (we don't know the official time yet so who knows how many seconds). That is a PR for this course for him. He actually improved by 32 minutes. He was hoping for 3:10 but didn't quite make it. This is a slower course for him so we are hoping Ogden will be the race that he beats that time and qualifies for Boston. He is sooo close!!!!

One thing that sucked, was Mike came across at the WRONG time. They had like a little 1k for kids which was going on right when he was coming down the chute. For some reason they had already taken down the dividing chute so that meant the Marathoners had to weave thru the crowd of kids coming across. Mike said he was dismayed when he ended up in the middle of the kids. He wasn't worried about them slowing him down, he was worried about plowing over one of them. Luckily he didn't.

Anyways, I thought it would be fun to play a little round of "Where's Mikey?" See if you can spot him in the crowd. Hint: He is not wearing red and white stripes, Sorry.

Did you find him?

Round Two...

So I was finally able to start round two of Clomid. I guess we will see if we have any luck with it this time. I am dreading the emotions of it all. Round one took so much out of me emotionally! It was especially hard seeing as I went 2 1/2 months with no sign of Aunt Flo, but also 5 negative pregnancy tests. I finally just gave up on the whole pregnancy thing.

Well Aunt Flo finally came so now starts round two. Everyone cross their fingers! I hate to say it but I don't have much hope right now. I think it is going to take alot more than two rounds of Clomid to get prego. Clomid makes me a little psychotic. I am either too hot or too cold when on this medication. There is no happy medium. I am constantly waking up to either throw off the blanket, or throw it back on. It is frustrating! My emotions also get very out of whack. It makes me nervous at work that I am going to snap and tell someone off. I believe last round of Clomid I actually went home early one day because I was to the point of snapping, and didn't want to chance losing my job.

I am dreading the pregnancy test part. I hate taking those stupid tests. I try to take them on the weekends because I know that once I take one, the rest of my day is shot. I usually can hold in the crying for a few hours but then I lose it. Poor Mike has to hear me rant and rave about the unfairness that a 13 yr olds get prego every day, but I cant. I think Mike has come to expect at least one outburst the day that I take a prego test. It is all so frustrating!!!

I had a good dream a couple of nights ago. I dreamt that I was going into labor. I was laying on the bed waiting for the contractions to get bad enough that I could go to the hospital. I was anxious to have the actual delivery over, but excited to meet my new child. I wasn't really that nervous though. In my dream this was my 2nd pregnancy so I already knew kinda what to expect. I had a 2yr old little girl already, and this baby was going to be a boy. I can only hope that someday I will get to be in that position, and experience the whole pregnancy thing.

I am sorry to vent about this. I am sure it is not much fun for people to read. It really does help to get it out in the open though. It's like therapy to me. I guess it is sort of a warning too that my blog entries might get pretty dark over the next few weeks. I feel like I just got on a roller coaster and am at the top of the first hill. I can see all the ups and downs, as well as the loops that I have yet to go over. I am just wanting to get past all of that to the end of the ride where I feel like I can breathe again. Anyways.... this could get interesting!

Easter and my new set of wheels...

So this Easter has been nice. This morning Mike and I ran 4 miles on the Jordan River Parkway. Let me explain before you all start to picture an elite runner. I say we ran four miles, but we didn't really. We went 4 miles. I jogged/walked. So basically there was a lot of walking and a little bit of running. Mike just walked the whole way. You see I can be jogging along and he is literally walking beside me. Pretty pathetic that I am jogging when he is walking. Anyways it was nice, except came home with a nice blister on my foot.

We then went over to my sister-in-laws house for breakfast. It was good. It was fun seeing Mike's Niece and Nephew. They were excited because the Easter Bunny brought them both new bikes and shoes. We hung out there for a few hours and then came home.

We first had some yummy strawberry smoothies (we are trying to be creative on how to use up our massive supply of strawberries). Then off we went outside to finally switch the wheels on my car. Mike got cobra wheels he put on his '94 last year, so he let me have his V8 wheels that were on his '94. I finally convinced Mike now was the time to put the wheels on my car.

It didn't take long before they were all on. It did end up throwing my alignment off a little bit because they are bigger wheels. I always thought the V6 wheels I had were too small for the car. Now we can pull out of the driveway without scraping the nose of my car on the asphalt. I am happy! Plus my car sits higher and more even. The front end was lower before due to the snow tires on the back of the car. I think they make the car look more girly as well.

Here is before picture....

and After...

Our new addition

So I finally did it, I bought a piano. I found it on KSL. I have been throwing the idea of getting a piano around for a bit but kept putting all extra money towards my Mustang instead. Well we just got more money back from the IRS so I decided to splurge and get the piano.

I LOVE playing the piano. Nothing relaxes me more than sitting down and just playing. It is the best therapy for me and I rather missed it. It has probably been about three years since I last had access to a piano. I was so worried that I would forget how to play, but I seem to do ok.

I bought it for $340 and went and picked it up today. Dave was nice enough to gather some people and drive out in his truck to get it. It has some scratches but none of the keys are chipped... nor do they stick. There was one dead key that had come unhooked, but Mike was able to reattach it before we even left the Lady's house. Mike works at a furniture store and is a pro at touching things up.... so he will bring some stuff home tomorrow to touch it up. I also need to buy some polish so I can get it nice and shiny. Overall... I think it was a good deal. I also found out that it was originally built in 1932.

Mike dragged me out to the parkway today. It was a good thing too... I needed it (although I didn't know it at the time). We did 4 miles instead of the usual three. I did a lot of running this time. Normally I do a lot of walking and very little running, but not this time. I focused on my stride today and was able to get into a stride where I didn't slam my feet down on the asphalt so hard. I was able to go much further with less aching of my joints. I feel like I am making progress.... so I am happy. With the piano, the running, and also the delicious pot roast I made for dinner, it was a great day!

Happy Birthday Mikal!!!

Mike turned the big 3-0 today. I took the day off work because he was originally going to have it off to so we could party all day... but he had to go in to work. It actually worked out better having him at work all day... better for pulling off surprises.

I actually got to wish Mike a Happy Birthday at Midnight since he insisted on staying up late. Then this morning I wished him Happy Birthday as h waltzed out the door for work. I lounged in bed for another hour (I like to sleep in on my days off... although today would hardly be called sleeping in). Then I got up and started my preparations.

I decided I wanted to surprise him with an edible arrangement. I just didn't want to spend that much money to have one sent to him. My Coworker gave me the idea to make my own. So I did some online research and found some good directions. I hit the store this morning and bought a Pineapple, Kiwi, Strawberries, and Grapes. I Then used my flower cookie cutter to make little flowers out of the pineapple. I Also dipped the tip of the strawberries into chocolate and set them aside. I cut the Kiwi into flower shapes as well. I put everything in the fridge since I knew I couldn't assemble it until the last minute... or it would start to look old and gross.

I then was able to make Mike's cake before heading out to meet him for lunch at noon. It was nice having lunch with him. We don't get to do lunch very often.... so I rather enjoy it when we can do it.

After lunch I started assembling the edible arrangement. It was tons of fun making it. It is something I would love to do again (when another occasion comes up that calls for one). I was rushing trying to get it all put together so I could drop it off. I got it all together and then I put plastic wrap around it and made a little tagwishing him a happy b-day.

Then came the delivery. I am apparently not a very smooth driver. The poor arrangements were knocked around like crazy. Luckily they still seemed ok by the time I got to Mike's work. I then took it to Will Call and had them page Mike. I rushed to get out of there before he showed up. I didn't want to ruin that surprise. I am excited I pulled off at least one surprise this year! It was a ton of fun doing it too.

This is what the finished product looked like.

This is the finished product wrapped up and ready to be delivered

I want to point out that this would have cost me $80 to have professionally done and delivered. This cost me a total of $18.25.

Anyways tonight Mike and I are going to the Desert Star Playhouse for dinner.. and to see American Fork Idol. I have always wanted to go to the Desert Star so I am rather looking forward to this.

Tomorrow Mike's sister invited us for dinner, so this should be a fun weekend!