Just had to share my neat experience

I have been having a hard time now that the funeral is over and she is in the ground and I am back home. It is hard to get back into things when I am just so numb to everything and don't care to do anything right now. One thing I have had a hard time with is religion and just me as a person. I know my mom always wanted us to all come back to the church and get married in the temple. I am not very close to that. I haven't been active at church. There are things I believe about the church and things I question. Religion hasn't been anything I have thought about lately but now I am forced to think about it and figure out my beliefs.

I have felt guilty though that I have not and possibly will not ever fulfill her dream of going thru the temple. I have also felt like I need to change myself as a person to be better and to make her proud of me. Anyways this morning I was making breakfast and the first song that I noticed playing on Mikes computer... was "Mother" by Pink Floyd. He had his computer on shuffle so it was randomly picking songs. That one sorta got my attention but not too much. Anyways then the song "The Answer Lies Within" came on which is a song about picking yourself up after hard times and realizing the future is on your side and choosing to move on. The next song was "Angels Among Us". By this point she had my attention... she was playing all these songs that fit my situation so well. So then after that Billy Joel's song "Just The Way You Are" came on.

That song has a lot of connections and memories for me. I would hear it every time I went to Montana because my grandmas keyboard had it as a demo song... so I always would make it play it. so I have always associated that with Montana. I have never really listened to the words before but the very first words just struck me as an answer from my mom. The first words go as follows: "Don't go changing, to try to please me. You've never let me down before..." I just started bawling when I heard that. I just felt her so strongly here and felt that was her answer to me struggling with who I am and who I should be. The whole song was what I needed to hear. I am going to post the entire lyrics because they are so incredible. This song will forever hold a place in my heart and have a new meaning for me.

Don't go changing, to try and please me
You never let me down before
Don't imagine you're too familiar
And I don't see you anymore
I wouldn't leave you in times of trouble
We never could have come this far
I took the good times, I'll take the bad times
I'll take you just the way you are

Don't go trying some new fashion
Don't change the color of your hair
You always have my unspoken passion
Although I might not seem to care
I don't want clever conversation
I never want to work that hard
I just want someone that I can talk to
I want you just the way you are.

I need to know that you will always be
The same old someone that I knew
What will it take till you believe in me
The way that I believe in you.

I said I love you and that's forever
And this I promise from the heart
I could not love you any better
I love you just the way you are.

Interestingly enough the next song that came on was a cold play song that starts out "Those who are dead are not dead, they're just living in our heads."

I needed so badly to feel her close to me and I am happy she was able to communicate with me thru music. It was just a neat experience I wanted to share.