I am in a bit of a reflective mood today. I am reflecting
back on my life and the different things I have gone through, as well as the
things I have been lucky enough to do. I honestly never thought I would be
happy until I was able to overcome infertility and have a child of my own.
Infertility ruled my life for so long. I was so focused on it that everything
revolved around it. I got to my breaking point and decided I needed a
distraction, so I started school. That was the best move I could have ever
made.
I can honestly say I am happy. I never thought I could be
happy without kids, but I actually am. Don’t get me wrong, I would still love a
child, and someday hope to try infertility treatments again. For now, I am
content. I honestly have the best husband in the world. I could not ask for a
better man by my side. We have been through so much together but we are still
holding strong. I love ever minute I get to spend with him. I can’t imagine my
life without him.
We have been able to do things that we wouldn’t have
otherwise been able to do if we had kids. We were able to get my 1967 Mustang
restored, as well as take some neat trips like Alaska last June. We have the big Mustang 50th
Anniversary coming up that we get to go to in April, and Mike has been able to
run countless marathons as well as the Wasatch 100 a couple times. There are so
many things that probably wouldn’t have happened if we had kids. I am grateful
that we have been able to take advantage of our freedom and get out and do
things.
I still really hope that someday Mike and I will be able to
have children, but I don’t dwell on that thought anymore. Infertility no longer rules my life, and I like
that. It is reassuring to me that happiness is a possibility, even without
kids. I am in no way ready to accept a childless life, but I feel more at ease
about it if that were to be how our life turns out. I know that no matter what,
I am married to my best friend and will still be able to find happiness… even
if it is just the two of us.
