No Plan B - But I Am Okay

Well.... we no longer have a plan B. We had 4 embryos, 2 of which they transferred and the other two we were hoping to freeze. Unfortunately, the other two did not make it to be frozen. So that just means I don't have them as my safety net to fall back on if this IVF round doesn't work.   I kind of saw that coming though. I had talked to the Doctor yesterday and he had told me that on day 3 they were only 2 and 4 cell... So I knew there wasn't much chance for them to make it to blastocyst stage (which is where they have to be to be able to be frozen).  So when I talked to the doctor today, I was pretty well expecting to find out they didn't make it. I was hoping they had, but no such luck.   I didn't cry though like I thought I would.

I figured I had two options at that point. I could either be horribly upset that plan B didn't survive... and start worrying about coming up with a new plan B, or I could focus on our plan A which we are currently working on. It seemed stupid to worry about what we will do if this round of IVF fails since in a way that would be like accepting that it isn't going to work. I need to be positive and just focus on the embryos growing inside me.

The Doctor was very nice chatting with me about things. He said I need to not worry about the embryos that they couldn't freeze. He reminded me the ones they transferred were really good quality and he really thinks we have a good chance of me being pregnant. Also he advised me to stop reading things on the Internet because it will only make me worry. So no more googling IVF. I am just going to avoid that and just try to stay positive while I brave the two week wait.

Even if I am not pregnant, and this IVF fails... I am still going to be so grateful for some of the experiences I have had going through all of this. This is the closest I have ever been to pregnant. I can't even explain how incredible  it was on transfer day to see the pictures of the embryos and know that they were half me, half Mike. It just blows my mind seeing what we created (even if they don't turn into babies... we still combined genetically and created 10cell  and 12 cell clusters). I am pretty impressed with that! I know for Mike it was seeing them wheel in this full size baby incubator with a little petrie dish, knowing that our potential children were in there. It was also neat right after the transfer laying there feeling my abdomen knowing they were in there.

I have hope that this IVF will be successful and we will finally be able to have a baby.. or two. IVF has been such an incredibly hard thing to go through. There are so many emotional up's and down's, and lots of needles and tests and unpleasantness. There is also the opportunity and chance to see and understand all that goes into creating babies. Seriously with everything that has to line up right to get pregnant... I am surprised people get pregnant so easily. I really have a strong understanding of my body now and how things work (or don't work in my case). I think the best part.... is how many people have baby pictures of their children before they were even babies...when they were only a cluster of cells? I love having the picture. I hung it on the fridge and love to just stare at in wonder. It just really makes me appreciate life and how precious it is.