Sigh....

I guess I am just not that into blogging anymore. I haven't blogged for some time, which is sad because I know we did some blog worthy stuff... like reupholstered our chairs (pain in the butt)...and been gathering lots of car parts for my car. I guess that will be an entry for my Mustang blog when I feel up to updating that. Anyways life is just life. I am busy with work during the week... and the weekends I tend to get really bored and miss work. Pretty sad, I know, but sometimes I just need some good weekend projects to keep me busy or I go insane from boredom.

So I am still going through infertility treatments. Not much going on there. More and more negative pregnancy tests. Actually I haven't dared take a pregnancy test for awhile, mainly because I just don't want to deal with the crying that goes along with it. So I have been avoiding it. I am trying a new infertility medication, but it does not seem to be working. We upped my dosage this month so I go in for an ultrasound in a week to check my follicles and see if it worked. I honestly don't think it did. So I am not expecting good news when I go in for the Ultrasound.

My friend/coworker just had a baby a couple days ago. I am so excited for her. It is her first child, so it was nice chatting to her and hearing what its like to be pregnant for the first time. I am very happy for her, but it makes me wonder when I will get my turn. I want so badly to experience all that she got to experience, and honestly I am starting to wonder if I will ever get the chance.

I am scared because I feel like I am running out of options. Well not-so-expensive options anyways. If no meds work for me... then that means I have to start getting into the more expensive stuff. I am suppose to get a decent bonus from my work sometime this summer. I was originally planning an putting it towards an Alaska trip, but I think I have decided that I need to put it towards infertility treatments. I was really hoping it wouldn't get to this point, and that I could take a few meds and magically end up pregnant. I guess that's not the case. So I am working on coming to terms with the fact that I might never have a baby, and if I do... its probably going to require selling all my possessions along with a few limbs. As crazy as it sounds, I would do it too just to have a baby.