Round Two...

So I was finally able to start round two of Clomid. I guess we will see if we have any luck with it this time. I am dreading the emotions of it all. Round one took so much out of me emotionally! It was especially hard seeing as I went 2 1/2 months with no sign of Aunt Flo, but also 5 negative pregnancy tests. I finally just gave up on the whole pregnancy thing.

Well Aunt Flo finally came so now starts round two. Everyone cross their fingers! I hate to say it but I don't have much hope right now. I think it is going to take alot more than two rounds of Clomid to get prego. Clomid makes me a little psychotic. I am either too hot or too cold when on this medication. There is no happy medium. I am constantly waking up to either throw off the blanket, or throw it back on. It is frustrating! My emotions also get very out of whack. It makes me nervous at work that I am going to snap and tell someone off. I believe last round of Clomid I actually went home early one day because I was to the point of snapping, and didn't want to chance losing my job.

I am dreading the pregnancy test part. I hate taking those stupid tests. I try to take them on the weekends because I know that once I take one, the rest of my day is shot. I usually can hold in the crying for a few hours but then I lose it. Poor Mike has to hear me rant and rave about the unfairness that a 13 yr olds get prego every day, but I cant. I think Mike has come to expect at least one outburst the day that I take a prego test. It is all so frustrating!!!

I had a good dream a couple of nights ago. I dreamt that I was going into labor. I was laying on the bed waiting for the contractions to get bad enough that I could go to the hospital. I was anxious to have the actual delivery over, but excited to meet my new child. I wasn't really that nervous though. In my dream this was my 2nd pregnancy so I already knew kinda what to expect. I had a 2yr old little girl already, and this baby was going to be a boy. I can only hope that someday I will get to be in that position, and experience the whole pregnancy thing.

I am sorry to vent about this. I am sure it is not much fun for people to read. It really does help to get it out in the open though. It's like therapy to me. I guess it is sort of a warning too that my blog entries might get pretty dark over the next few weeks. I feel like I just got on a roller coaster and am at the top of the first hill. I can see all the ups and downs, as well as the loops that I have yet to go over. I am just wanting to get past all of that to the end of the ride where I feel like I can breathe again. Anyways.... this could get interesting!