Taking a Break

I always wondered if I would get to this point. I have seen countless people decide to take a break from their blog, or even facebook. I honestly never thought I could ever get to that point but I think I might be there now.

I need a break, plain and simple. I am struggling. Trying to come to terms with a childless life is not working out so well with me. Especially when I read other blogs and realize that everyone I grew up with has kids. I feel so left behind and so destroyed.

The failed IVF hurt me worse than I have let on. I have tried to just put it all behind me and not talk to anyone about it, and pretend to be bouncing back from that let down. I have been putting on an act. I am completely torn apart. I feel like my life dreams, goals and plans are in shambles. All my dreams included kids. So now that it wont happen, I am just so lost. I have no idea where to go in life or what to do with myself. If you were to ask me what my long term goals are, I would just give you a blank stare. For the first time in my life, I don't have any long term goals. I have no idea how to live a childless life.

I am just lost... and alone. I know it doesn't make sense to isolate myself further when I already feel so alone, but I don't know what else to do. So I think I need to just take a break. I need to distance myself and take time to figure things out and figure out what to do with my life.

I don't plan on deleting my blog totally since I do need to have it printed into a book when I ever get money for it. I just don't plan on doing any posts for awhile. So this is it for now.... at least until I can come to terms with things and learn to better handle them.