Happy Birthday Mom

Today was a rather emotional day. I didn't expect it to be so hard. I had a dream last night about living my last day... which of course I woke up depressed. I needed to cry, partly from the dream, but mostly because today would have been my moms 61st birthday. So I managed to make it in to work... and was doing ok fighting off tears... but it got too hard. So I went to talk to my boss to see about going home and ended up just breaking down and bawling to him. I didn't mean to... and I am sure it was awkward for him... I could hardly get out enough words to tell him why I was crying. All in all... he was ok with me leaving.

So I got in my car and went directly to the cemetery and stood at my moms gave and cried for awhile. I really needed a good cry. I really do miss her a ton. I honestly thought that since I had survived one birthday without her already, that the 2nd time around wouldn't be so bad. I was wrong. It was probably harder on me than the first one was.

I ended up going home and crying some more... but then decided I didn't want to be alone so I met Mike at his work and went out to lunch with him. Then he headed back to work and I headed to the store. I bought some flowers (per my Dad's request since he is out of town) and 8 balloons for my mom. I bought a balloon for each of family member (My dad, and the 7 of us daughters). I tried to see who could go to the cemetery but understandably on such short notice... not many could. So It ended up being Mike and I and Shelley and Hannah.

It was nice being able to send some balloons her way. I am sure she enjoyed it. I really do miss her and wish she was still around. Sometimes it is still hard to think that she is really gone and it will be awhile before I can see her again. I never thought she would be gone so young.

Anyways other news is that I am going to be going thru training this weekend so I can start my volunteering at a Grief Counseling place for children. I think it will be good for me. I feel like I am at a much better place with my grief than i was last year... and I want to be able to help others learn to cope with the loss of a loved one. So it will be interesting to see how it all turns out.

We are starting to make some good headway with my Mustang. You can check my mustang restoration blog. I am excited because we were able to get some style steel wheels for it that are correct for 1967. I am super stoked because we got them for such a good deal! we are also waiting for the new floor to arrive so that can be welded into place. Lots of interesting happenings with the car lately... its exciting!!