Last Post of the Year

So I had to get one last post in before 2010 is officially over. So 2010 has been a tough year. I spent the first part of the year in a fog. Dealing with the loss of a loved one consumes you and your every waking thought. It was hard coming to terms with the loss of my mother. I had to go through the holidays and birthdays without her. There were times I honestly wasn't sure how in the world I was going to survive it all. I also felt like my whole world had changed and I felt so out of place. It's hard to describe grief to someone that hasn't ever gone through it themselves.

I actually just moments ago finished reading the book "My Sister's Keeper". I was warned by Cassie that it is a tear-jerker. I thought I was doing so good until the end where everything changed and I almost felt blindsided. So I inevitably had a good cry over it. There is one part that in the book that talks about grief that I love how they phrase it...


"See, as much as you want to hold on to the bitter sore memory that someone has left this world, you are still in it. And the very act of living is a tide; at first it seems to make no difference at all, and then one day you look down and see how much pain has eroded."


I was so consumed in grief and felt like I would never start to heal. Then one day I came to the realization that I was finally living life again. I had switched out of survival mode back into living. It's almost like I was so consumed with the overwhelming grief, that I did not realize that I had slowly been starting to heal. This is a quote that I just love and had hanging in my cubicle at work for a long time...

"You don't think you'll live past it and you don't really. The person you were is gone. But the half of you that's still alive wakes up one day and takes over again. -Barbara Kingsolver

Anyways... I have high hopes that I will do more living in 2011. I have a lot of neat opportunities that I will be participating in, ranging from my car restoration to some volunteer work. I am so grateful that I have my family for support, and I am really looking forward to the new adventures I am about to embark in. So even though last year I didn't want to say it because I was angry about New Years... this year I will say it and mean it... Happy New Years everyone!!