Interesting Observation

So I was thinking back to November and all my family and I went thru. It is interesting looking back because everything is a big blur. The week of the funeral was such a whirlwind, there was no way to digest it all. There are a lot of details I cannot remember any longer. I was numb.

I was forgetful. I couldn't remember anything and I couldn't keep anything straight. I was always forgetting little things and having a hard time remembering to do things. It was just weird how forgetful I was. It seems like a lot of people I talk to remember being really spacey and forgetful for the first little while. I am glad it eventually wore off though because it was frustrating not being able to remember little things.

I have heard a lot of people that say they were unable to really function after a death. I didn't realize it until now... but I honestly was not functioning for probably the first month. I couldn't make myself do the dishes, or make dinner, or do anything. I had no desire to do anything; I just felt so lost. Thankfully I have a great husband who stepped in and took over everything. I honestly owe him a lot. We were discussing it today... how I was almost like a Zombie but without really knowing it at the time.

It is interesting the emotional defense mechanisms the body employs when going thru a traumatic experience. It can be annoying, but then again... I am thankful I was numb thru everything. I feel like I am finally getting to a better place, like the fog is lifting. I can think more clearly and function more. I am still not back to where I was, but I can tell there is some progress being made. I still miss her, and always will. I will probably always have random break downs, but for the most part... I feel like I am back to Living.

P.S. Thanks for all the awesome comments on my last post. It really helps knowing there are so many people that care about me and are understanding of me. Thanks for all the encouragement!