This is going to be sort of a downer post, but I need to vent. So this is my first round on Clomid since losing my mom. It also is the highest dosage yet (150 mg). Clomid has always made me so crazy emotionally, but this time it is worse than normal. Partly because I am on such a high dosage, and also because I feel so alone in it. My mom was the only person I felt I could talk to about the Clomid and how it effected me. She was always so understanding and would give the encouragement to keep going forward with it all. I really miss her and feel like I need her.
I ended up leaving work early today because I was just too emotional. I felt right on the edge of either a blow-up or a break-down. I was worried I would get set-off by a patient and I would tell them off. I didn't want to chance losing my job because of Clomid. So I left half way thru the day. I felt guilty going home, but I just couldn't handle it. Plus I have been having major vertigo today which doesn't make life fun.
Honestly, I think this is the hardest time I have had on it yet. I think this dosage is just too much for me. I can't handle it. It just makes me so moody that I cant even stand myself. I haven't really cried much today but when my dad came home and asked how I was doing, I lost it. I cried to him for a little while. Its just hard. I hate doing Clomid and I hate that I cant just get pregnant like other people. It frustrates me, and now its so much harder without my Clomid Buddy being here. I really miss her.
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3 comments:
I love you Missy. You can call me anytime you want to talk. I'm a good listener.
I know I can't substitute for your mom but you can always talk to me. If the Clomid is too much what are your other options? Has your doctor talked to about what else you can do? I'm so sorry you are going through this alone. I'm sending all my love your way.
I'm telling you Missy (take it from someone who's been there) you should really look into going to the U. It's worth the money and they know just how to deal with what you are going through and maybe they have some other suggestions. There are plenty of people out here who are willing to listen, if it helps just keep venting on your blog. We don't mind!!
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