Just when I think I am doing good and healing...

So I had an annual visit to the doctor today. I didnt think it would be so tough. First sitting in the waiting room full of pregnant women and babies isn't the easiest thing, but coming to the realization that this is around the time the fertility doctor would be releasing me to see an OB had the IVf worked... sorta topped it off. Of course it didnt help with the doctor of course harping on my weight. I'm not proud of my weight and actually hate the way I look... but I am too emotionally exhausted to do anything about it.

Next comes the topic of infertility and what my plans are. I told her nothing.... I have no plans. I am not dealing with infertility because I can't financially afford it right now. Then of course I had to turn her down for trying different meds because I am done with meds for the time being. I dont want any more blood tests or meds or doctor visits. I am just done!

I am glad to get my yearly visit over with, but it was just tough. I have done such a good job just shoving the failed IVF into the back of my mind but I have had to revisit it yesterday and today. I was filling out applications for IVF Grants because I figured I had nothing to lose. Then I realized that I have to list assest and classic cars are assets. So between that and what we make, we won't qualify for a grant. Just seems like there really are no options right now and it sucks. I have never been to this point with the infertility where I have no options. I always have had direction and knew the things I could try but I am stopped dead in my tracks.

It is probably good that I am being forced to take a break from it. I emotionally need it. I just need to focus now on pushing IVF out of  my mind again for awhile so I can try to just move on.