Utah Valley Marathon

Mike ran the Utah Valley Marathon yesterday. We headed to Provo Friday night and spent the night in a motel. Its always a treat to stay in a Motel because we get to watch Cable. We don't have any TV channels at home and have to watch our shows online(since we aren't usually big TV people anyways and have never wanted to spend the money on cable). Its fun being able to watch shows I don't normally watch, and being able to flip thru channels. So that was a highlight for me.

We got up at 3:30 to head to the finish where Mike got on the bus to take him up to the start line. I got to sleep in the back of the SUV for a few more hours. We have a nice bed made back there so it wasn't bad. I almost felt bad for Mike out pounding the pavement while I slept... but then remembered that he actually LIKES doing it. Also there was some rain and some downpours I woke up to, but Mike seems to find rain the be ideal for running conditions.

Mike has a new strategy that he tried with Ogden and then this race. He goes out slow and gets a negative split. It has greatly improved his time and he seems to be in really good shape when he comes across the finish line. He came across in about 3:08 which was good enough for him to qualify for Boston yet again. The cool thing about this race is they give shirts to those who qualify on their course that say "Boston Qualifier". Mikes goal was to get one of those shirts which he succeeded in getting. He did really well this race and felt pretty good at the end.

This morning we got up to do an 11 miler. At about mile 9 I decided to turn it into a Half Marathon (13.1). It about killed me! I now know what it feels like to "hit the wall". I got to the point where it took all I had to even keep my legs moving when I was walking. It was a relief to finally get home. I headed straight to the couch and laid with my legs elevated. My legs have never hurt so bad! I honestly did not think I was going to survive that run. It took me 3:54:49 which is slow. Its ok though because it is faster then I thought I would do for my first half marathon distance. I still have a few months to work on speed. The cut off time for the Half marathon I am doing in October is 3:30 so I have to shave about a half hour off. I think I can do it. I just need to start focusing on speed now. I have mainly tried to focus on getting the distance in and figured once I got to the distance I wanted... I would work on speed. I do think I want to get up to 15 miles before I start working on speed though. So a couple more weeks and I can change my focus. I am glad I got the distance in... but it about killed me. Hopefully it will get better for me though.

Time heals everything.... or does it?

So I am not okay. I know it has been six months, but I still hurt. I know it seems like I should be healing but that's not the case. Everyone says it gets better with time, but I am struggling worse now than I was 5 months ago. I can no longer tell myself my Mom is in St. George and I just haven't seen her for awhile. I finally have to really face reality.

I am embarrassed to admit it, but I started counseling last week. I go for my second session next Wednesday. I think I need it. Mothers day really tore me apart and was too much to handle. I don't know how to deal with things sometimes. I feel like if I was a high school student.... I would have gone from a straight "A" student to failing. I can hardly even handle my job anymore. It is too stressful and sometimes about kills me. I just can't concentrate like I use to be able to. I am feeling a little lost.

I hope counseling helps. I hope it keeps me from having panic attacks, or just up and quiting my job, which I cannot financially do. Everything changed when she died and I just don't know how to handle things anymore. It was hard for me to swallow my pride and start counseling. I didn't want to admit that I might be off my rocker a little bit. I finally realized that it might be the only way I am going to get thru this all.

I have totally changed my focus. I am now spending all my time focusing and training for the Half Marathon in October... or reading a super long book series. It is nice keeping my mind elsewhere and being able to focus on other things. I just worry that by doing that, I am not grieving like I should. What is the normal way to grieve, and is there really a normal way? Until I can figure it out, I guess I am going to keep my focus on other running and books... until I learn how to cope otherwise.

Ogden Marathon

Friday evening after work, Mike and I headed to the great city of Ogden. This was his 4th year doing the Ogden Marathon. As you recall, we have special ties to this race since he proposed to me at it 2 years ago. I wont get into the specifics of it but if you go back to 2008 in the month of May, you can read all about it.

So we got to Ogden after suffering on the freeway in stop and go traffic almost the entire way. We hit the Runners Expo where he picked up his packet. Then we headed to Fazoli's for the traditional Night-Before Pasta Dinner before heading to our Motel for the night.

I love watching Discovery Channel when we stay in hotels or motels. Nothing is more relaxing then just laying there staring at a TV. I would say its because we don't have cable here so the only time I get to watch Discovery Channel and TLC is when we are on vacation. So I was really looking forward to getting some good "Deadliest Catch" watching done. Well I was flipping thru channels and came across Forrest Gump which was just starting. So Mike forced us to watch it. It was rather nice laying with Mike watching in the movie, although I would have rather watched Deadliest Catch than Forrest Gump, but it was his weekend so I thought I would let him have his way.

So the next morning we were up at 4 am to head to the race. I kissed Mike goodbye and wished him luck before climbing into the back of the SUV and going to sleep on the nicely made bed in the back. It was pretty comfy. So while my husband was out pounding the pavement and suffering thru 26.2 miles of pain... I was sleeping all nice, warm, and comfy in the SUV. I finally dragged myself out of bed at 9 am and headed to the start line to wait for him.

Mike did really well on this race. He had just wanted to beat 3:20 but he managed to do it in 3:09:34 (GPS time, we don't know the official time yet). He felt really good about that, and I was very excited for him. He qualified for Boston again... even though he doesn't have any plans to run it again any time soon. Just nice to know he still improving his time. We are thinking he might stand a chance of breaking 3 hrs at St. George this year.

All-in-all it was a good race. He did better than he expected, and I was very proud of him. After the race we spent a few hours at a car show at Thanksgiving Point before going for my six mile run. The six mile run just about killed me. I didn't eat very well that morning so I was running on Empty. I thought I was going to die the last mile and a half. I survived though. I think I am getting the the distance where it really matters the foods I eat prior to running. So next Saturday when I tackle the 7 mile run, I will make sure to watch what I eat prior to running so I can have the energy to do the mileage. On the plus side... I am almost half way to being able to run the Half Marathon.